


It Will Be Our Secret

by True_Babylonian



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Family Drama, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:00:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27675068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/True_Babylonian/pseuds/True_Babylonian
Summary: Molly doesn't like Brian.This man, too old for her standards, does not suit Justin at all. He is rude and sarcastic. Molly thinks he is evil.Since he appeared in her brother's life, Justin seemed to be replaced. He completely stopped being at home, quarreled with mom and dad. And he also became... 'gay.'And so, when Justin comes with his 'boyfriend' to the family dinner, Molly decides to have a heart-to-heart talk with 'this Brian.'
Relationships: Brian Kinney/Justin Taylor (Queer as Folk)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 52





	It Will Be Our Secret

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Это будет наш секрет](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/736860) by True Babylonian. 



Molly doesn't like Brian.

This man, too old for her standards, does not suit Justin at all. He is rude and sarcastic. Molly thinks he is evil.

Since he appeared in her brother's life, Justin seemed to be replaced. He completely stopped being at home, quarreled with mom and dad. And he also became... 'gay.' Molly doesn't know exactly what the word means. She first heard it during her mother's phone talk. Dad also says this word, but much more often - 'faggot'. Molly does not know why, but this word seems to her _ugly._

You cannot say like that.

When Justin meets Brian, everything changes in their lives. The brother leaves the house, the parents endlessly swear and shout, and then... A new, unpleasant and bitter word 'divorce' on the tip of the tongue. Molly realizes its ultimate meaning when the three of them move into a new house, much smaller and more modest than their previous one, without a spacious lawn and BBQ area. There are always three of them now. Mom, Molly and Justin. But brother is not here again - he is with Brian.

Molly thinks that this man only brings trouble. She sees that in school, Justin is now having a hard time. A ruined locker, jolts in the back, an ugly 'faggot' multiplied by dozens of voices that spit out this word like a bitter pill.

Molly's classmates ask _what is wrong with her brother?_

But she is silent. She just doesn't know. Nobody says or explains anything to her. She is considered too small for the truth. She is protected. Molly sees her mother entering Justin's empty room in the evenings and standing there for a long time, as if believing that he is about to jump out of the wardrobe. 

Molly doesn't know why her brother acts like this to them. But she's pretty sure it's all Brian's fault.

And then Justin goes to prom... and the world turns upside down again. On that day, Molly wakes up from a sharp bright light hitting her eyes - her mother runs into the room, disheveled, in a raincoat over her pajamas, and in a voice breaking into sobs asks to hurry up. Molly doesn't understand, but obediently puts on her clothes, feeling her stomach twist, just like when they ate those awful burritos at the station cafe.

_Only now no pill will help._

She is not allowed to enter, leaving in the corridor with a cute smiling and offering cocoa nurse. But Molly sees there, behind the glass, there is someone on the bed who definitely cannot be her brother. This big, broken doll with a lot of pipes and a pile of some devices nearby cannot be her Justin. But Mom falls to her knees by the bed. Mom grabs his hand. Kisses pale, eerily pale fingers. And cries. Cries so loudly that Molly closes her eyes, covering her ears.

Molly doesn't know what exactly happened at prom. Mom spoke incoherently and unintelligibly on the way to the hospital. _Ball, dancing, parking..._ But one name, snatched from the stream of mother's speech, Molly was able to make out.

Brian. It was Brian again.

For the next two weeks, when Justin does not seem to exist in this world, and the dummy in the ward, which they visit every day, still shows no signs of life, Molly does nothing but think of Brian.

They come to the hospital every day, but he has never been there. He doesn't come to Justin, he doesn't care. Mom told Molly what exactly happened at the prom and even though she didn't mention it aloud, Molly is sure she thinks Brian is guilty.

 _Molly feels the same way._ She almost hates Brian. She doesn't know exactly what that means 'to hate'. This word from time to time escaped her lips when it came to difficult homework, or a boring teacher, or a broken MP3 player. But the 'hate' she feels when she thinks of Brian is different.

There are so many shades in this 'hate'. First, jealousy. Of course, Justin didn't play with her too often, having long preferred his best friend Daphne to his younger sister. But at the suggestion of Daphne, they often took Molly with them for a walk, to the cinema, allowed her to hang out with them in Justin's room, brought sweets and lemonade. Molly likes Daphne. Mom sometimes, when Justin does not hear, of course, calls Daphne his fiancee.

Molly also thought that someday Justin and Daphne would get married. They always got along well, always made each other smile and never broke up. Molly was sure it was love.

But Brian showed up. And ruined even that.

That is why there is resentment in hatred for him. For a stolen brother, for stolen dreams, for a broken family. Dad was always strict and cold, but he never left them. Molly remembers how angry her father was when Brian brought Justin home, and then took him away. She, of course, was sent upstairs, forbidden to be present at the conversation of adults, but Molly, sitting on the top step, heard their every word.

She heard Brian too. She was terribly angry that he was so calm and confident. Not fully understanding what he was saying, Molly definitely felt that he was winning. He does something that makes her father lose his temper, that makes her mother worries, and moreover he does something that makes Justin leaves with him without turning around. 

And without even saying goodbye to her, to Molly.

_Brian, Brian, Brian..._

No name so often left her brother's lips. Molly wanted to go deaf, just not to hear it again. Rare joint breakfasts with her brother turned into sheer torment for her and no longer brought the slightest joy. Molly has been seeing that for Mom talking about Brian was about as interesting as for Molly - reading a political column in the newspaper (whatever it was). But no one interrupted Justin. They seemed to be ready to accept whatever he has to offer them.

So in the hatred for Brian, anger appeared. Anger at her own helplessness, insignificance, uselessness. She and her mother seemed to fade against the background of this amazing Brian, about whom her brother talked without shutting up...

When Justin was discharged from the hospital, Molly finally hoped things would change. Brother at home, no more clubs, no more shady friends. No more Brian.

But it only got worse. Justin was tormented by nightmares, he did not let anyone close to him, he constantly snapped at everyone and got angry. His hand... Molly often wondered what would happen if she broke her legs and could no longer dance? She felt it was like stopping breathing. And the thought that Justin was experiencing something similar... This thought constantly brought her to tears.

And then Justin had a nervous breakdown.

She and her mother returned home after Molly's training and immediately heard a terrible rumble and many, many 'ugly' words. Having risen to the second floor, they froze on the threshold of Justin's room, looking in horror at what was happening to him.

Molly was scared. She was really scared. She was afraid of this Justin.

Mom asked her to leave, but Molly only hid around the corner. She just couldn't leave them alone. Yes, she's still small. She doesn't understand all these adult problems, but she just loves Mom and Justin very much. And she wants their family to be okay.

She stood around the corner, listening to Justin screaming, swearing, destroying his works and his room.

"You forbade Brian to see me?!"

The familiar name burned with an avalanche of anger, incredibly strong for such a young age. Again. It's him again, Brian! Molly wanted to burst into the room and scream. Scream out loud that Brian has to disappear! He must leave their lives and not return! Must leave Justin alone!

Molly clenched her fists, digging her nails painfully into her palms, and mentally asked her brother to calm down.

And then, in the evening, lying in her room, Molly thought about why Brian appeared in their life? Why did he pay attention to Justin? They are so different, completely different from each other.

Her brother is so helpful, kind and funny. With an incredibly beautiful smile that made Molly forget all her sorrows, whether it was a scratched knee or a low test score. Justin is amazing.

And 'this Brian'? Molly had only seen him a couple of times, and then only briefly, but he seemed incredibly cold. Empty. Deprived of light and heat. She heard her mother, talking to a funny and very cozy red-haired noisy woman, called him _insensitive_. Yes, that's how he looks to Molly. Brian doesn't know how to love. He just can't.

Why does he need Justin then?

*****

Taking a deep breath, Molly leaves the room. “Come on, pull yourself together. This is not the time to be a coward!"

She rehearsed her speech all evening. From the moment Justin and Brian crossed the threshold of the house, Molly only thought about what she would say to him.

She will ask Brian to leave. She will say that Justin will only be better without him. Molly will convince him that he, so cold and heartless, does not need her brother. Molly hopes to sound confident. She hopes Brian will listen to her and do as she asks.

He doesn't need Justin.

Molly watched them all evening. How they talked, how they looked at each other. Justin bragged about his successes, which were undoubtedly associated with his move to Brian's apartments. Molly at this moment wanted to roll her eyes and moan loudly. Well, of course, who else could have helped her brother, if not the miracle Brian!

Brian was silent almost all the time, looked detached, spoke quietly and clearly reluctantly, smiled politely, but hardly enjoyed his presence here. His every look at Justin was full of some kind of mockery and something else, which Molly did not know the definition of.

But on the other hand, she perfectly saw that Brian looked at her brother in a completely different way from Justin looked at him. She felt sorry for Justin. He seemed to be knocking on a tightly closed door (Molly learned this beautiful comparison during literature class, finally realizing what was happening to her brother).

 _Unrequited love._ Books and movies say it hurts. Molly looks at her brother's life from the moment he met Brian and agrees. Painfully. The pain has become an integral part.

This is why she has to help Justin. Free him from this suffering and from this person. Molly intuitively understands that the brother himself will not break this connection. No. His feelings are too strong, too vivid. But Brian... here he could be reliable. It is easy to break ties that are meaningless to you.

This reasoning calms Molly and convinces her that she is right. Surely 'this Brian' understands everything himself. She'll just give him a little nudge, the way parents push their child's bike when he's just learning to ride. A little safety net and help at the start.

Molly quietly walks downstairs to the living room. She's actually supposed to sleep already, but her 'business' is too important to pay attention to such conventions. Mom also went to her room. The guys were going to watch TV before Brian left for his place - Justin promised to stay at home today.

Trying not to creak the floorboards and carefully listening to every rustle, Molly steps into the arched doorway and... freezes. The TV is on, mumbling softly in lines from some old black and white movie, but nobody seems to be watching it. Justin is lying on the couch and, judging by his slightly parted mouth and closed eyes, sound asleep. And Brian...

Molly step a lit back, afraid she might be seen.

Brian sits on the floor next to the couch and watches Justin intently. He reaches out and gently plays with strands of golden hair. Smiling at something. He tilts his head to one side, and then carefully takes Justin's hand, _that one_ , tightly, nervously clenched into a fist, and... brings it to his lips. Brian briefly presses the back of Justin's hand to his closed mouth, leans his forehead against it, closing his eyes and freezing like that for a few moments. And then he looks at Justin again and gently but persistently massages his hand, unbending one finger after another, bringing relief, giving warmth...

Molly is a little bit shocked and doesn't know what to think. She is still too young and does not know that people can play and wear masks. It only seems to her that she now seemed to have looked behind the curtains and revealed the carefully cherished secret of the great magician.

And now he is not able to deceive her anymore.

After all, all his indifference, causticity and carelessness pale before that indescribable range of feelings that are now reflected on his face. Brian seems to be looking at something incredibly valuable, important. 

_Essential._

And then he suddenly turns around and sees Molly. They both freeze and remain awkwardly silent. Brian looks confused. Even though this word seems most inappropriate in relation to him.

He clearly feels uneasy. Molly has never seen Brian like this. And something tells her that neither Justin nor anyone else is either.

“He fell asleep,” Brian says the obvious, getting up and pulling on his jacket. "I have to go. Will you close the door behind me?"

Molly just nods, still unsure of what to say.

They walk towards the door without looking at each other.

“Tell him I'll pick him up after work,” Brian asks, holding the handle.

He walks out the door, stops and turns around. Confusion is on his face again.

"You... what you saw is..."

“It will be our secret,” Molly interrupts, mustering up some absolutely Taylor's courage.

Brian chuckles and nods with a short wave goodbye. "Good night."

Molly closes the door behind him and, walking into the living room, turns off the TV. She approaches her brother, noticing a relaxed palm, relieved of a painful spasm, and after giving Justin a short kiss on the forehead, she goes to her room.

Molly doesn't like Brian.

His appearance in Justin's life has changed too much, and she has not yet had time to get used to it. Brian still seems too old and too cold to her. Molly is still too young and does not understand why people pretend, hide their feelings, are ashamed of their emotions. She doesn't understand why Brian doesn't show Justin what he really feels for him.

But having climbed onto the bed and covered herself with the blanket, Molly closes her eyes and... smiles. Yes, she doesn't like Brian, but today she learned something incredibly important, something that calmed her and gave her hope.

Molly found out his biggest secret.

Brian Kinney has a heart. And it belongs to Justin.

**Author's Note:**

> That's it. I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I did. I'll be really thankful if you share your impressions about it in comments.  
> Thanks for reading!


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